Monday, July 06, 2009

The spirit of the past

I wonder how easily a person whom one knows for years suddenly becomes a creature of the other world! She lives a stone’s throw away from your house. She is just a call away. But you can not visit her. Your call won’t be responded. You can only imagine what she is up to. You pass by her house and your heart throbs faster and faster but you have to calm it down by all ways and means. You look for her glimpse among the crowd and you make mistakes after mistakes but you can not stop looking for her. You have volumes of feelings trying to reach her but you have no channel to carry them to. You try to say a thousand words to her but you end up telling them to yourself. Your brain wants to burst. Your eyes spill over. Your pent-up emotion billows like a thick smoke finding escape routes. But whatever you do you suddenly find that you can’t reach her – at least in a gentlemanly manner.

You start thinking what went wrong; who’s mistake it was. But you can’t conclude anything. You start believing that there is no learning curve in friendship and relationship. You even start wondering what a relationship is!
And then you think you won’t think about it and let it go and forget and start anew. But at the dead of the night, at the break of the dawn, during the tired evening, during the happy pleasant moments the thought resurrects from the temporary grave and envelope you like a ghostly spell of wind. And there you are, traumatized!
Probably at this moment you blame the complex nature of human relationships. You also blame your fate. You try to justify that the earlier relationship was not meant for you and a new appropriate one is in the waiting.
And you probably write blog post like this one to feel lighter!


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